"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16
Okay, now I have a renewed outlook on life that I must share.
I woke up this morning tired of it all. During this tough time I have been through highs and lows. I think I have felt almost all the emotions that exist especially frustration. Having faith is tough. I will admit that. It is hard to go from planning every aspect of my life to letting it go. My life has changed and my plans have changed, and it is difficult to embrace that sometimes. This morning I felt myself again being impatient...needing to know what the future holds...needing to know exactly what my purpose is. Then it hit me!
One of the reasons it is so difficult to have faith is because I am really only looking at myself and my life. Yes, I am going through a difficult time. Yes, I sometimes feel alone and sometimes feel lost. Yes, sometimes I start to doubt things. But why am I focusing on all of that? Why can't I just work through those feelings and then move on? Why is it just about me?
My ideas of success used to focus around career, traveling, and family. I wanted to be the perfect working woman...whatever that means. That isn't success! This weekend at the retreat I attended I was asked to write what I would like my best friend to say about me when I am gone. I took that question to heart. I thought about my past goals and realized that I didn't want my best friend to say that I had a certain career or even that I was a good person and a good friend. To me that wasn't success. As I thought about it...I wrote: "Jenn touched my life." I want to genuinely impact just one life and to me that would be the greatest success.
I have so much and have been blessed with so much even during the hard times. Why I choose to whine about my life sometimes is unbelieveable to me. I am going to look outside myself...reach out to others...and just give all I can to touch one person at a time. That is my new goal.
I am going to spend the rest of this week preparing my heart and my eyes to look outside myself. Starting in November, the month of giving thanks, I am going to reach out to someone every day for a year. I want to create a habit of looking outside myself. I want to touch just one life, one heart.