Love My Girls!

It is amazing how friendships work! Last night my great friends (two who I met in college and my sis) and I gathered together for a wonderful dinner! We usually try to get together as much as possible to catch up and to just spend time with each other. We have so many wonderful memories together and I know there are many more ahead. I just couldn't wait to just share how thankful I am to have these ladies in my life...to be able to get together...to support each other's growing families and to keep that friendship going strong!

Dina is such an amazing listener who gives such comforting and loving hugs and who will do anything she can for someone. Ang speaks straight from her heart and has to be one of the most genuine and sincere ladies I know. Jess, what have I not said about her yet? :)...just a beautiful lady inside and out. Last night was really the first night the daughters came...and to watch them grow and interact was something that really was wonderful to see. We all support each other. We are more than just friends, but family!....and for that I am thankful!

I love my girls!

Leaders

Last night was the first choir practice for the year. We all gathered together once again to sing songs that describe God's love and the praises we have for Him. Before choir, we enjoyed a wonderful dinner provided by a Sunday school class and Jess and I talked together as I prepared a little for teaching Sunday school class on Sunday. It was a great night. But as I looked around, I saw more than just friends and my church family, I saw LEADERS.

You see, a church can not survive with just a minister, pastor, priest...etc. If that is all a church needed, who would sing in the choir? Who would sing in the worship team? Who would teach sunday school? Who would prepare the dinners so families can eat together before participating in Wednesday night church activities? Who would decorate the alter table? Who would greet the members and new visitors? Who would make the bulletins? Who would keep the church clean? Who would support the missionaries? Who would work with the youth and children of the church? Who would reach out to others in the community? Who would take care of the finances? And the list goes on.

It took me a bit to figure out how I could be involved in the church, not just attend, but actually be a part of the church. I have heard congregations complain about different aspects of their church and some just want certain programs, etc...but who is going to take initiative and make things happen? Will it be you? My parents are ministers and I know they can't do it all. They already do so much for the church and it is time that we realize that we all can be LEADERS of a church in one way or another.

So I thank the ministers of the church for their leadership, the deacons, the choir members, the worship team, the committee members of all the committees that exist, the Sunday school teachers, the greeters, the custodians, those who prepare food, those who perform skits, those who operate the sound board, and the many others who share their skills and talents with the church. Thank you for being LEADERS so that the church can be a church that is actually a group of people gathering together in the name of Christ, rather than a church of one.

Support

No matter what she says, her eyes say it all. They express the love she feels for others and the encouragement, excitement, and comfort she has. She speaks from the heart. She is one of the people in my life who supports me and encourages me, in all the areas of my life. She challenges me in my walk of faith, my vulnerability, my attitude, my humility, etc. No matter how small a step I take, she is there cheering me on. Together we praise God for all He as done and continues to do in our lives and all around us. Her support, love, and encouragment is definitely a blessing in my life. She is my sister and my friend.

As much as I appreciate the support and love she provides, I would be mistaken to give her all the credit. That love that she shares, that encouragement and support that she expresses, comes from God. She lets Him work through her. She lets His love shine through her.

Just as I can not give her all the credit, I too can not take all the credit for the successess I have had or will have, for they would not exist without the love and support of God. As we learned this past Tuesday, He is faithful and steadfast!

Without the support and love of God, of family (like twin sisters and amazing parents!), of friends, of someone who really believes in us, where would we be? What would we accomplish? They are the ones lifting us up, challenging us, loving us!

Have you taken the time to thank those who support you?

Celebrate!

Yesterday was just a beautiful day!...and several of us made sure to enjoy it. Once again I spent the evening with some good friends out on the lake. Of course the one time I don't bring my camera with me, Jamie does an amazing job going outside of the wake. I can't wait to capture that moment the next time we go out. Brian did a great job, as I am sure he always does. You can definitely tell this wasn't his first time doing any sort of water sport.
Amos just amazes me with all he can do. He even gets out there with a sore ankle! I of course was the spotter for the evening...what I do best!....also, watching and learning, which is important to do before actually trying to board again. Jess and Grace kept us entertained. Their company is something that I truly enjoy! So it was definitely a day to celebrate!

Celebrate beautiful days! Celebrate opportunities! Celebrate successes! Celebrate times with friends and family!

*Since I didn't take my camera with me yesterday, the pictures were from labor day.

No Greater Love...

Love was all around me this weekend. As it surrounded me, I really began to think about its complexity and began to see what love could be in its true form. Let's first get past the misconceptions. I am not talking about lust, convenience, comfortability, settling, fear of independence, or any of the other excuses people mistake as love. I am talking about real love, the love that sees another person's heart and loves them as the special person God created them to be. Love that lifts each person up and allows them to work together to accomplish more than they could ever do on their own. Love that celebrates individuality and unity. Love that sacrifices, encourages, strengthens every day and is founded on the perfect example of love that exists...the Love of Christ! In a world of divorces, of cheating, of unfaithfulness, of games, and of talk shows that never seem to run out of guests who need paternity or lie detector tests, does that real love exist today? The answer is YES!

Just this past sunday my parents held a beautiful church service that incorporated the celebration of a couple's 50th wedding anniversary. Still today, through the tears, through their embrace of each other, through the touch of their hands and the way they looked at each other, you could feel their love...the love that has been the foundation of their 50 years of marriage and the love that washed over their family as they surrounded the couple.

God has to be at the heart of this love. His sacrifice for us...His love for us is much deeper than the love we could have for anyone, but His example allows us to see what true love is about and teaches us how to truly love Him and one another. His love for us provides an endless supply of love that we can share...a love that He wants us to share.

In Hemingway's book, A Farewell to Arms, a priest describes what it means to love God and others. He states, "When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve." What an amazing love, to be truly open, giving, to serve!...and to love with all that is within you, not holding back.

All I know is that I am not going to settle. I want the foundation of any relationship to have that strong foundation of Christ...His love...and my love for Him. So I look forward and wait patiently for the true love of and for a gentleman that may be in store, being completely satisfied and filled with the love I have for Christ and the love He fills my heart with.

For there is no Greater Love...Example...Foundation...than Christ!

Matthew 22:37
Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

Open

Many of you know how uncomfortable I get speaking in front of groups of people. Unfortunately, that happens to be part of my job throughout the year. Tonight I am holding one of my proposal workshops, and yes, I still get nervous and a bit terrified, though I have already done several of these presentations before. I usually can't wait until it is over. I talk fast, and I stumble over words. But even though my presentation isn't as smooth as I had planned, I still feel that those who come do learn something about proposal writing, atleast that is my hope. So where am I going with this story? Lately, I have been thinking about my weaknesses. The question of my ability to accomplish something, occasionally enters my thoughts. I am not down on myself at all, just realizing what my weaknesses are and wondering how can I accomplish what God sets before me?

I have begun studying Joshua. I have been captivated by the first few chapters, chapters of God fulfilling His promise to the Israelites. The chapters that once again reveal God's power and His presence. Normally, I would just share one scripture verse that moved me, but I cannot do that in this case...because the following verses work together to show me how God is with us and can work through us.

Joshua 3:5-17, states: Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you." Joshua said to the priests, "Take up the ark of the covenant and pass on ahead of the people." So they took it up and went ahead of them. And the LORD said to Joshua, "Today I will begin to exalt you in the eyes of all Israel, so they may know that I am with you as I was with Moses. Tell the priests who carry the ark of the covenant: 'When you reach the edge of the Jordan's waters, go and stand in the river.' "
Joshua said to the Israelites, "Come here and listen to the words of the LORD your God. This is how you will know that the living God is among you and that he will certainly drive out before you the Canaanites, Hittites, Hivites, Perizzites, Girgashites, Amorites and Jebusites. See, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth will go into the Jordan ahead of you. Now then, choose twelve men from the tribes of Israel, one from each tribe. And as soon as the priests who carry the ark of the LORD -the Lord of all the earth—set foot in the Jordan, its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap." So when the people broke camp to cross the Jordan, the priests carrying the ark of the covenant went ahead of them. Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (the Salt Sea [b] ) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho. The priests who carried the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan, while all Israel passed by until the whole nation had completed the crossing on dry ground.

What power! This is as far as I read this morning, so I am anxious to read further. But this scripture really spoke to me. Why do I let my weaknesses define my capabilities, when I am not alone, when God is with me? Even my strengths are from God. If God can divide waters, move mountains, transform hearts and lives, why do I forget that He can work through my weaknesses so that I, with His help, can accomplish all that He calls me to do?

He is God! God is with me!

So I strive to not run from His call. I strive to not doubt His power. I strive to give all praise to Him.

I strive to be OPEN to God and His work in my life, having a faith that conquers all doubt and all fear and relies only on Him so that I may answer His call with courage and strength.

Amazing Weekend!

Have you ever had one of those weekends, where you just looked back on it and realized that you really used each minute to its greatest advantage? This weekend was just one of those times, where it just was amazing, productive, and just full of new experiences!

You see, this weekend there was some stuff that I had hoped to get accomplished...mowing the lawn, laundry, working on my proposal workshop, organizing my photos so that I can finally have my coffee table back, etc.

Let me tell you what I did instead.

Friday night I spent time with two wonderful ladies. We of course got some delicious coffee :), ate some great food...and walked around Winona Lake...ending the night by watching a movie. I had such a great time talking to these ladies and just getting to know more about them. So thanks Jamie and Sarah for your great company!

Saturday, I visited with one of my very good friends and her beautiful daughter. Though Ang, Addison, and Brad live only an hour a way, I still never make it out there to visit them as much as I could. So Saturday I decided was the day to change that. I had a great conversation with Ang where I learned how her days were spent and shared what I have been up to. And of course I got to play with my other very adorable niece Addison. I definitely couldn't get enough of her so I left my coffee cup behind only so I would have to turn around and see her again ;). Okay, so really I just forgot it and had to turn around to go back and get it...but I was able to see Ang and Addikins again and that was well worth it!

Later that night, I attended the monthly Sunday School party hosted by the Frye's. There we had some great food and had a pretty challenging yard game tournament. Challenging because it was getting dark and started to sprinkle towards the end, which made bowlingket (aka corn hole), bocci ball, and horse shoes pretty challenging. Though Dustin and I pretty much prevailed in the events, Jamie and Brian were lucky enough to win the fantastic prizes the Frye's provided. Of course we all regressed in age and played with the prizes in the house, but that was the fun of it all. At 11:30pm, after a rousing game of cranium and settlers, three of the gentleman took a swim in the lake and I took my walk in the rain.

Sunday, after another good church service, Melanie and I met our class of Sunday School students and then joined our own class for the ending of our current study. I then spent the rest of the day and evening with Jamie, Jess, Amos, and Grace out on the boat and then just having great conversation eating fried green tomatoes and homemade applesauce! I wakeboarded for the first time, or shall I say...I was dragged by the boat for the first time, but couldn't have felt more at ease without the wonderful support from the Fryes and Jamie.

I just had an amazing weekend, and though I didn't get to all that I had hoped to, I am so thankful to God for the opportunities I had to spend with such great friends. I am so thankful to God for the opportunities to have new experiences. But mostly, I am thankful to God for helping me see the amazing people around me and the amazing experiences awaiting...all which were more important than organizing some pictures or mowing the lawn (which I do need to get too ;)

Just an Amazing weekend from an Amazing God.

One More Thing...

We are having a staff birthday lunch today as well....tostadas and snickerdoodles! Why do I get so excited about food?...probably, because it all is pretty much delicious!

Hope you get excited about the little things in life! And hope your day is full of many wonderful surprises!

What a truly wonderful Thursday!

Storms

It stormed last night and is still raining this morning. Isn't that exciting? Yes, I had to keep my jeep top up this week, but I just love the rain. It is actually supposed to rain the rest of the week, rain that I have heard we need. So you will probably find me walking outside or sitting on my porch reading as the storms continue to pass. Anyone is welcome to join me.

Have I mentioned how much I love storms? What an amazing Thursday!

Forgiveness

Why is it that we remember the things people do that hurt us or that we don't agree with more than we remember the good times we share and all that they do right in "our eyes"? It makes forgiving difficult as we hold on to those negative memories.

Recently, I was asked about forgiveness, which is definitely something I had to deal with...a challenge of mine that I faced...and still do face on occasion. I think we all do. But I can only speak for myself. In this blog, I have talked about my past...been open and honest about times in my life...and struggles that I still face. Why? Because I need to be honest with myself and with you. Because I can only speak on what I know, and what I know is me. So get ready for some honesty.

I could chose a scripture verse to share with you that deals specifically with forgiveness and judgement. But there is a verse that I came across in 1Samuel, that really showed me a different perspective...a different way to think of forgiveness.

1Samuel 16:7
The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

I know this verse is not speaking about forgiveness, but it made me really think about forgiving. Because forgiveness deals a lot with the way we look at each other. How? Have you ever taken the time to really get to know the people in your life, to understand each one of them as individuals, to get to the "heart" of who they are...not putting any preconceived notions on them or stereotypes...not putting them on a scale of standards they should meet? Or do you just notice a few of their qualities that are similar to yours and automatically assume that you know them, understand them, know what you would do if you were them or in their situation?

I had come to the realization a while ago that I had put expectations on those around me. Expectations that go beyond seeing the person they are and could become, but expecting them to think like me or act like me....sometimes even putting higher standards on them, than the standards I put on myself. I didn't take the time to UNDERSTAND them... to see them as individuals or UNDERSTAND where they were coming from. So when I felt hurt by something they said or did or felt that they made a mistake, I began to "JUDGE" them more and more, holding on to the mistakes they made, seeing only their "physical" aspects and actions rather than looking into their heart, as God looks into our hearts to see who we really are. He sees past our own flaws and sees the heart of us, the special and unique ones he created us to be.

Literally, one morning, I woke up early just tired of it all. Tired of holding on to grudges, tired of judging...because it all was filling my heart leaving no room for the Father of Forgiveness, the one who wants to take it all from us if we just let him. So right then and there I gave it all to him, all of it...forgiving those who didn't even ask for forgiveness, just letting all of it go so that He could fill my heart, so His love could fill my heart, so that when He looked past my physical features and my imperfections, He could finally see the heart He created with a purpose to love and praise, not to judge.

Who am I to judge? For I am only human, I too make mistakes, and I too need to be forgiven. Thankfully, Christ has given us the gift of forgiveness. He sees our hearts. So I strive to look into the hearts of others, I strive to truly forgive from the heart, and I strive to share with others the love, mercy, and grace that God fills my heart with every day.

And So It Begins....

The eight of us gathered together Sunday evening, not really certain how things would go or what outcome we would have, but we came with plans. The atmosphere was light and the room was filled with the smell of candles that were burning throughout the house. We spent the evening laughing, thinking, wondering, hoping, encouraging, and just anxiously awaiting our turn to speak...our turn to say the one name we would hope to say before it was snatched away by someone else...the one name we hoped we could even pronounce correctly ;). And so it begins...

Football season has officially started and we definitely had one of the most interesting drafts last night. It was actually one of the most enjoyable times I have had during a draft. We didn't argue with each other, though there was the occasional boo from my sister and me as we heard players called that we didn't care for :). But for the most part, the draft went smoothly and we even helped each other pick players. There was no time limit and we just kept it light. One of the participants even offered to forgo the team she was going to choose to let someone else have them. I definitely haven't seen that happen before :).

I know the competitiveness of some of us will begin to appear throughout the season, but I know I enjoyed the company I was with last night and I am anxious to see how the season plays out. I am excited to root for my team of players who I would say have "unusual" names, which of course was my strategy ;), but I will definitely be laughing and having fun as I root for them throughout the season, hoping that with one of my players I will know how to pronounce his name correctly by the end of it all :).

So I wish each one of you luck and am just so grateful to experience such a new experience with each one of you. I think we will learn a lot and am just ready to watch some football!

So let the season begin...

Everything

I just received a wonderful email from my sister today. This is her first day back to work after our vacation, and she has such a great attitude. She is just so full of thanks today. And so am I! I know exactly how she is feeling. I don't know what makes today different than any other day. I don't know why I am noticing all the blessings I have in my life. When I look around at all that I have, it is so apparent that it is more than I ever need. Honestly, it makes me want to just get rid of so much...to make life simpler...to share with others everything I have. You know that scripture verse that talks about giving up everything and following Christ? That is something I have been thinking a lot about. I mean to give up everything...how could one do that? It is such a scarey thought...but lately it has been something exciting as well. Exciting to have such a faith to really take that step and give up everything to follow the call of Christ. I don't know...I don't even know what I am called to do, but I really desire to reach that level of faith...to conquer the doubt and fear that I have...to see beyond the happiness I feel now to be filled only by the immeasurable happiness and love that can be found in Christ.

Back To Reality...

What an amazing vacation! I was in the company of great friends and many cultures...and even had time to myself. It was a vacation that definitely went too fast, but one where I enjoyed every minute. One of the amazing things that I enjoyed, besides spending some time with the Hahn's at the Mayan ruins of Tulum and eating some of their salsa :), was my time to myself in the mornings...especially when my loving sister trusted me enough to actually be by myself :)....I do love your protective nature though Jess :). I woke up all but one morning to watch the sunrise and to read. It was a great way to start the day, even though it only meant getting 4 hours of sleep a night. Some mornings were cloudy, but still the sunrise was beautiful and the mornings were peaceful. Another wonderful moment took place throughout the entire trip. Being the only single one in the group I had the unique opportunity to observe the wonderful couples I traveled with. Not only did they include me in everything, but I was able to watch them interact as couples. Each couple showing love and affection in different ways and each couple just enjoying their time and experience together. It was just nice seeing how well they complement each other. Now the vacation is over and it is back to reality. But really not much has changed. Besides missing the endless supply of food :), I am still surrounded by these amazing couples, the sun rises every morning and is just as beautiful here, and the cultures are still out there ready for me to experience. I guess vacation just opened my eyes a little more to see what is all around me...even here at home.
Of course I have pictures of this wonderful vacation. See Below...and enjoy!

Snapshots...

I have about 105 more snapshots, but thought these few would give you just a taste of the fun we all had together!

Speechless

Happiness! Love! Compassion! Friendship! Support! Encouragement! Faith! Respect! Family...and the list goes on!

This is what I feel when I am around Amos and Jess! This is what I see when they look at each other or hear each other's names. These are the words that best describe what I sense when I think of their love...their marriage...even when no words are spoken.

It is the kind of love that leaves me SPEECHLESS!

Happy 5 year anniversary (August 11th)! God has blessed you richly by bringing you two together and creating such an amazing love!

Undivided Heart

Distractions are everywhere! We can get caught up in all the wonderful things that surround us. We have the love of family and friends that is so intimate that they seem to be all we need. Money and power can be addicting. Possessions become desires and necessities. We can even become obsessed with people we admire or look up to. I am definitely susceptible to many of these distractions. In the past I got lost in them. I lost my focus and turned these distractions from something I just enjoyed...to obsessions. I loved so much and so many things that no matter what the next thing I desired was, my heart was empty. My heart was divided, and honestly I can't say that God had a piece. But still He never left...He was always there. He broke me down and helped me see that the intimacy I seek and the One I long to be devoted to is Him. No matter what item, person, dream I focused on, nothing was going to fill that void. My heart was missing the only focus I needed...Christ.

Why am I being so honest? Because today I came to the realization that it is so easy to head in that direction again. If I can't admit this, than I would just be in denial. I would just be pretending that I haven't made mistakes and that I couldn't make those same mistakes again. There has been something I desired for the past week or so, but as I thought about it today, I realized that it had become a distraction. It distracted me by not giving this desire to God, until today. Today I caught myself and remembered that God is in control and that He is the desire of my heart.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy many things and enjoy the many blessings God gives, but I need to remain focused on Him and let Him be what my heart desires...knowing that no matter what wonderful blessings come my way, my heart is His. So I hold myself accountable and share with you this fault, praying that I have an undivided heart, one that only seeks, loves, focuses, and is devoted to Christ.

Psalm 86:11
Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

Please Provide the Words...

Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Lately, I have started reading the classics that I have not yet had the opportunity to read. I am definitely not a fast reader, but I just couldn't put down the book, To Kill a Mockingbird (as I finished it in two days), and I am finding Pride and Prejudice just as captivating. As I read, I find myself unconsciously imagining the images that the words describe. I find myself living in that moment and some how feeling the emotions that exist between the characters. What a talent these authors have to be able to invoke images and feelings through something as simple as words.

Words are part of our day to day life...yet, I never really took the time to grasp their importance and the messages and emotions they help us express. I am amazed at those who have the talent to write and speak clearly, to use words in a way that captures our attention and thoroughly explains the messages they are trying to get across. I am not one of those people. I find myself talking in circles adding the occassional dreaded words that show my nervousness...words such as "um"..and "you know" ;). Even when I write, I am unable to really express the emotions I have behind the words. If that even makes sense ;). But I continue to try.

I am thinking more and more about the words I use now....the words I use to make connections with others and develop friendships, the words I use to express emotions, the words I use to tell a story, the words I use to make someone laugh, the words I use to express love, the words I use to share who I am...and to share my faith. Why is this so important to me? Because lately, God has been using me to share with others my journey back to Him. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot find the words that can clearly explain this journey and the emotional shift that took place. So I stutter through it, wishing I had that skill that others have of finding the perfect words to use. I try to just give this awkwardness and uncertainty of speaking and writing to God praying that He please provide the words...

Let's Get Lost

After a great lunch, we would all pile into the car. Dad would ask what direction we all wanted to go, and mom would answer with no destination in mind. Mom and dad would be in casual conversation while Jess and I giggled in the back...either teasing each other or thinking of the many mischievous ways we could occupy our time...when we weren't sleeping of course. This is how we spent our saturday or sunday afternoons. Jess and I referred to this time as getting lost. We would spend hours just driving down country roads following dad's sense of direction. We would end up finding small towns, discovering new places, and just seeing new areas that were hidden on those country roads. We would stop and walk around...popping into country stores and maybe picking up a small snack and one of those glass-bottled cokes that were the greatest finds. I always thought that it was amazing that we would eventually find our way home. But, now I have a feeling that mom and dad always knew how to get home. There was something so special about that time together. We didn't really have deep conversations or spend a lot of money, but it was a simple way for us to spend time together...to get away for a while. Even to this day I love getting lost though it isn't the same as when I was younger. There is no giggling in the back. I can't hear my parents discussing the day's events. Jess isn't teaching me how to draw hearts and stars with crayons on the back of the front seats. Instead, my time getting lost is filled with good music and great conversation with the one who chooses to get lost with me. Those who know me, definitely know I am not a decision maker. But if you asked me what I would like to do, I can guarantee that in the back of my mind I am thinking...."Let's Get Lost!"

Use Me!

Yes, I am actually praying to be used. Sometimes I look at who I am. I think about how small I am...and how uncoordinated I am sometimes ;). I think about the amount of time it takes me to comprehend something...and all the information I still don't understand and may never understand. I think about the circumstances I have been through and all the struggles I faced...and all the wrong decisions I made along the way. And out of all of that I can't help but ask the questions...what can God possibly see in me?...How can He use me? When I hear about all that is going on in the world....when I am in a crowd of people and feel overwhelmed, my eyes are open to the vastness that exists...and I begin to think...what can I do?

This weekend, I came across the scripture about the body of Christ. As I began to read each word, I began to realize, that though I am weak in areas, God is with me and has created me for a purpose. I may not know what that purpose is but I do know that I am a work in progress and that I am a part of the body of Christ and can do all things by letting Him use me...my body, my mind, and my heart.

I look at my hands, and though small, they can reach out to others. They can hold someone up. They can help carry burdens. They can create something for someone. They can show love through touch. I look at my legs and know that I can run to someone who needs me. I can walk with someone who needs to talk. I can chase my neice around creating a bond with her as she laughs with the anticipation of being caught. My eyes allow me to see the good in people. They allow me to see the needs of a community. They are eyes that allow me to connect with others just by making eye contact. They allow me to show emotion. My ears listen to the joys and concerns of those around me. My mouth can speak words of comfort, hope, love. My heart is open. My heart feels, cares, loves, hopes, grows...my heart is vulnerable. It is vulnerable to allow others in, to allow Christ to work in me, to be open to all those around me.

1 corinthians 12:27
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I may not be much, but I can be used. I pray that God uses me to fulfill His will....I pray that He uses all of me...for I am a part of the body of Christ! We all are a part of the body of Christ...and isn't that exciting?

Headlines

TWIN SISTER IGNORES BRILLIANT SISTER'S ATTEMPTS TO DISCUSS WORLD NEWS :)
I know my sister tends to drift off when I am sharing recent news headlines and stories with her. Not because she doesn't care, but because I seem to share everything I read with her and she has an amazing heart that tends to ache for those she hears about, though she doesn't know them. A lot of people tend to avoid the news or what is going on in the rest of the world because they believe that it is all just depressing. I admit it. A lot of what I read in the news tends to be on the negative side.
BREAKTHROUGH: PROGRAM OFFICER DISCOVERS AN UPLIFTING ARTICLE IN BETWEEN ARTICLE ON WAR AND ARTICLE ON DROWNINGS
But there are those uplifting stories that tend to be a nice break. They are the articles that provide hope. You know the stories of a community that has come together to support and provide for a family who just faced a fire. The stories of a youth group that raised money for a particular cause. Or the stories of a school that came together to create a memorial garden for students and teachers who have passed away.
HEADLINES SHOW NEED AND SPARK MOVEMENTS
Maybe it is the position I am in or the field I work in, but keeping up with the news, though negative most times, allows me to see the needs that still exist. I truly believe that if it weren't for some of these heartbreaking stories, some wonderful things wouldn't have developed. People wouldn't know about the fire that destroyed a family, and a community wouldn't have come together. Youth wouldn't know of any causes to support. We wouldn't be able to see the positive actions that take place in our own communities.
LETTER TO THE EDITOR
I don't really have anything special to reveal through this random post. Just want to thank you for reading and hope that you know what is going on in the world and maybe think about what you can do to help. The news is a reflection of life...there are bad times...but there are good times...and it all is worth going through as active participants.

Unforgetable

How blessed I am to have such amazing friends in my life!. I could take this time telling you all the stories and conversations that took place this weekend with my visit to the Evansville area to spend time with friends I really haven't seen since junior high. But it wasn't what we did or what we talked about that made the visit so amazing. It was the people I spent time with that made it unforgetable, because they are unforgetable. Let me introduce you to some amazing individuals.



Jennifer is a beautiful person who welcomes you and makes you feel like you are family. She has accomplished so much. She is humble. She is funny...always making me laugh. She is strong. She is caring. She is determined. She is just amazing. Jessica is beautiful as well. She too has accomplished so much and values friendships, family, and relationships. She shows interest in all that is around her and understands the importance of having fun and living life. She is smart and loving and just an amazing woman and friend. John is someone I was lucky enough to finally get to know better. He is such a supportive husband to Jennifer. He is so personable. It felt like we had known each other for a long time. He shows interest in others. He is the master of the grill and of magic. He has so many skills and talents that I was just in awe. There were interactions with others that I will never forget as well...Jennifer and Jessica's parents...who are just wonderful parents and just seem so knowledgeable in many areas that it is easy to see the amazing influence they have had on their daughters. There were also great times with other friends that, though short, were memorable as well. I know I will never be able to capture just how special all these individuals are in words, but they are in my heart and for that I am thankful!

Where did they go?

The other day I received a letter in the mail. Surprisingly, it wasn't a bill, a once in a lifetime amazing credit card offer, or a letter informing me that interest rates will soon be increasing and if I haven't consolidated my school loans yet, now is the time. Yes, an actual letter...handwritten and everything. It wasn't a long one, but it was a from a friend who thought she would literally write to me. As I read it I imagined where she was sitting and how she probably talked out loud as she wrote it, because that is just how she is :)...and I love that about her. She even picked out stationary that had a map in the upper right hand corner because she knows how much I love to travel. It was such an amazing surprise...a surprise that made me wonder where all the letters have gone. It has been a long time since I received an actual handwritten letter. Don't get me wrong, I love the fast way to communicate via email and phone, etc....but there was something so personal about this letter. I appreciated the time she took to sit down and write about how her and her family were doing. I appreciated the special touches and the even the mistakes she scratched out. I actually tried to remember the last "personal" touch I shared with someone. I think it has been too long. So as I am facing this busy day and rest of the week and weekend, maybe I will take a break and just sit and write. gotta love those special moments and personal touches!

Clarity

My sister just recently commented on the idea of being thankful for all we are blessed with...that sometimes we can get caught up in our own struggles and challenges causing us to lose sight of all we have. This weekend was definitely a weekend of thanks and rejuvenation. If anything, I spent the weekend thanking God for the wonderful people in my life and for the amazing opportunities that are in front of me. Every morning I say to Him, that my life is His to use. I pray that He will fulfill His passion and desires through me...and that I have the patience and strength to listen and follow. Every day I make that choice to give control to Him, to give my life to Him. This weekend while camping, I had those moments where I just felt filled...filled with love...filled with strength...filled with hope...and filled with excitement. I had time to reflect and genuinely be grateful for each moment. Who would have thought camping would be so uplifting. Maybe it was the smell of the campfire. Maybe it was all the laughter that took place. Maybe it was the good food and the good company. Maybe it was being surrounded by nature...and getting back to the simplicity of life. All I know is that things came into focus and though I don't know the direction my life will take, things seemed clear. That peace, that excitement, that love, and that clarity can only come from God. I am thankful He is with me.

What an amazing camping trip...

102 Just Isn't Enough...

This weekend was extraordinary! My sister is the one who is so good at summarizing particular events, but I just wanted to share my thanks. Thanks to the Fervida's for hosting such a wonderful weekend and for providing so much. I truly enjoyed the great conversations, the time spent with good friends, and just the many interactions that took place this weekend. It was a weekend that I will never forget, especially with the many pictures I couldn't help but take. Here are just a few of the 102 pictures...that's right...102. But as the title suggests, 102 pictures just isn't enough to capture the amazing time we all had.

Our Examples

Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience and careful instruction. - 2 Timothy 4:2...You taught us the word of the Lord with passion and carefully instructed us on the ways that are right. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. - John 13:34...You not only sacrificed for us and loved us so greatly as to hurt when we hurt and rejoice when we rejoice, but showed us how to love others with a love that has no boundaries or restrictions. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness - Titus 2:7...Out of everything you have taught us, out of all the love you have shown us, what really is emphasized through your lives is your faith in the Lord. Faith that by striving to listen and by standing on the foundation of Christ, He will guide you, love you, and hold you! What examples you have been. And for all of that I thank you. For all of that, I give glory and praise to God.

Wonder

Wonder filled me when I held Addison! When I saw that smile...while I watched her sleep...while I held her close to me and let her warmth surround us both, I was in wonder....wonder of what this world held for her. I wondered what her personality would be. I wondered if she could possibly know how much she is loved. I wondered if she will know what a blessing she is to all of us. I wondered how God could give us the ability to love someone so much. Congratulations Brad and Ang! We love you all. And thank you God for the blessings and wonder you provide.

Makes Me Wanna Dance!

Excited... Anxious... Stirred... Thrilled... Delighted... Eager... Enthusiastic... Happy... Zippy... Alive... Ecstatic... Elated... Gladdened... Joyful... Chipper... Jubilant... Overjoyed... and "what not..."

This is what I am feeling!

I am so excited to visit with my parents this weekend and thank them for being such wonderful parents. I am excited about our relationship and I am grateful for their LOVE!

It is only Tuesday and I am already this excited. It is the kind of feeling that makes me wanna dance!

Come Together

What an amazing experience I had this past weekend. I have worked with Habitat several times before. But this one was different.

Why? First, it was in my own community! It really opened my eyes to the need that is right next door. Secondly, I worked side by side with strangers, but also with friends. Volunteering has always been a passion of mine...especially Habitat. There is something amazing that happens when people COME TOGETHER for a cause.

I don't know much about building houses, but just by being able to hammer a nail, to carry items, and in this case...to read directions (putting up a hospitality tent), I was able to HELP construct a house for a very deserving family.

My favorite part of a Habitat build is the framing section. The house begins to take shape and seeing people work together to lift a wall is just inspiring. Maybe Habitat isn't something you are interested in, but there are different areas of the community both on a local and global level that could use the skills God gave you.

Reach out! Speak up! Do Something!

There is Something About Her

QUIET and ENCOURAGING...BEAUTIFUL and STRONG...CREATIVE and INSPIRATIONAL. Her voice COMFORTS me and can assist in calming my fears, my doubts, my insecurities. She knows how to LOVE and knows when to LOVE. She steps back to let me SHINE and yet wonders why I ADMIRE her. Her eyes look past my inperfections to see what I can be and WHO I AM. Sometimes she stumbles, but with HUMILITY she admits her mistakes. She knows she is not perfect, but STRIVES to be her best. Sometimes she gets wrapped up in worldly things and emotions, but remembers to TURN to GOD for GUIDANCE and STRENGTH. Her heart GIVES love without expecting anything in return. She is a wonderful sister who is not perfect but who LOVES me with UNDERSTANDING, PATIENCE, AND RESPECT. What a strong and beautiful woman.

What We Can Learn

What a great weekend!

This weekend I spent a lot of time with my sister, brother-in-law, and neice, and it just got me thinking more about all the games we play. I watched Grace, who let's you know everything she is thinking and feeling at that moment. She doesn't hide her feelings. She doesn't feel the need to pretend to be someone she isn't. She doesn't need a lot to be happy. She knows that when she falls someone will pick her up. She knows that she will be comforted when she hurts herself. She isn't afraid to grow up. She doesn't hide behind things like material items or obsessions. She experienced her first real boat ride at an age where she understands more about what is going on. Yes, she was scared. But she also trusted that her parents where there to hold her and keep her safe.


There is just so much we can learn from children...especially all the simple ways they show love and affection. We spent our time together on the boat giving finger kisses, which would just make her laugh and eagerly reach her finger out again for another one!

I just love the "realness" of life and love!

Overcome

This morning, while reading scripture, I began to think about our ability to overcome...anything...even our own will. I am still studying 1Samuel and learning about David's faith. I came to the scripture that tells of David's opportunities to kill Saul, and yet he does not.

1Samuel 26:11 states, "But the LORD forbid that I should lay a hand on the LORD's anointed. Now get the spear and water jug that are near his head, and let's go."

How? How could David watch Saul sleep, a man who is trying to kill him, and not take action against this man?

Why? Why did David not harm Saul, protect himself?

How? How could David just walk away?

David overcame his own will.

David listened to God's instructions. He had to have truly understood that God's will was more important than his own. He had to have a faith so strong to trust his life with God...especially when it was being threatened.

I thought about the desires, the emotions and grudges, the destructive behavior that we face and deal with in life. If someone hurts us, sometimes we hold on to it and hold it against them.... and sometimes we retaliate. Some people form hate groups because they are scared of the unknown, of things and cultures that they don't understand.

We develop excuses to harm or hurt others...believing that we have the responsibility to judge or punish those who wrong us or even those we don't understand. We stop listening to God and start listening to ourselves.

I know that I can't just listen to God when it is convenient for me...doing what He asks when it is something that I want to do. I need to listen to him even when He asks me to do something I would have trouble doing...and ask for the strength to fulfill His will.

I pray that I am open to God, so that He may work through me. I pray that He overcomes me, so that I may overcome my own will to fulfill His.

Wept

Wept is such a strong word. It is word full of emotion, a descriptive word that even in it's simplicity, says a lot.

I spent this morning focusing on the word wept...what it meant to me, and how that meaning has changed. I admit it. I was one of those people who thought that weeping was a sign of weakness. No one directly told me that, it is just something I picked up from somewhere in the past 26 years of my life. I have been reading 1Samuel the past month or so and when I came to verse 41 I was struck by the word "wept".

It states, "After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together-but David wept the most"…such a passionate verse, such emotion.

Throughout the past few chapters, the scripture explains the strong friendship between Jonathan and David, but in this verse I can actually feel the strength of that friendship...I can feel the love. In this scripture I can sense the deep love and emotions that are present.

What a gift to love so strongly and to be loved so deeply. To express such pure, raw, and genuine emotion is not weak, but powerful, honest, and beautiful.

Wept...what a simple yet expressive word.

Sing It Ella!

As I was thinking about how busy the past few weeks have been, there is a memory that I want to share with you. I don't know how often my parents read this, but I hope they read this one because they are both very special to me and it is moments like these that I reflect on when we are apart.

The memory I want to share took place a couple of weeks ago during their visit. Not much time has passed since then, but I know I will remember this moment vividly for years to come.

My parents and I came home from an okay dinner that my sis and I attempted to make for them. But we made it with love, and isn't that all that matters? :). Mom and dad gathered their stuff so that they would be ready to leave the next morning. Dad poured some wine for us and we congregated in the living room. I told dad that we needed some music and asked what his preference might be...knowing exactly what he would request...some good jazz music.

I put in my favorite ella and louis cd, and we sat on the couch and listened. The room was quiet, except for the beautiful music that was both calming and amazing. We just listened. Every once in a while we would talk about how strong, clear, and natural Ella's voice was. We would make a comment here or there about a certain song. But for the most part we just listened and enjoyed our wine.

As much as I love jazz, the night was amazing because of who I shared it with...my dad. I can still picture his face as he enjoyed every note. We don't have a lot in common, but jazz is something that we both love. We connect with jazz. I may not know all the greats, or why they are so great. I may not be able to tell you what certain jazz songs mean or pick out different musicians or musical terms, but I can tell you exactly how it makes me feel. I can tell you the emotions it brings to me. I can tell you the memories that come with certain jazz songs, and from moments like the ones with my dad.

So I just want to say...thanks dad for moments like the one we shared. Thank you for being you. Thanks mom and dad for all the great memories I have and all you have introduced me to.

love always,
stella by starlight

Rain

Two posts in one day. I just couldn't help myself.

It is raining right now, and I find myself staring out my window wishing I was outside. Rain to me is just as wonderful as sunny days. I love those warm nights when the thunderstorms surround us and the lighting flashes just enough to light up a portion of the sky and then it quickly disappears. Walking in that atmosphere is extraordinary. Though my parents, and some others, may not feel that is the safest time to walk, I find walking in rainstorms peaceful, calming, and exciting all at the same time.

But for the moment I must try to focus and finish my work for the day. So for now I will just live and experience that walk through my imagination...until the rain calls my name another day.

For all those who enjoy rain as much as I do, have a wonderful rainy day!

Guarded Hearts

Why do we sometimes try to change who we are to meet someone else's expectations? Why do we try to be like everyone else, or even worse, try to be better than everyone else? Why are we afraid to show who we really are, what we really think, and what we really feel?

We all have done it at least once, not just in the dating scene, but also in other circumstances, even in our own circle of friends. Are we so ashamed or disappointed in ourselves that we are scared to stand up and express ourselves…just respect ourselves? I'll be honest...there have been several times in my life where I chose to hide what I think or feel, just so I don't stand out...or get hurt.

In reality, I think some of us have just been guarding our hearts. We play games so we don't get hurt as much as we could if we were just able to be honest with each other. The feeling of "pain", "hurt", or "rejection" scares us so much, that we would rather hide our true feelings and thoughts, even our dreams. We would rather keep it all inside and just go with the flow. Yet, we are hurting ourselves more than we realize. We are missing out on so much. Because with the hurt comes the love, the honesty, the true feelings, the ability to move forward, the adventure, the journey.

Aunt Puppy...A Good Example?

My cutie head neice is growing so fast. I am lucky enough to get to see her atleast 2-3 times a week, which of course I love. I get to watch her as she is constantly growing and learning something new. Right now she is on this kick of saying one particular word. The word isn't "no". It isn't "mommy" or "daddy", though she does say mamamama and dadadadada. It isn't "aunt jenn", though i have been pushing that :). It is...drum roll please...."PUPPY"....yup, puppy. She is almost a year old, and all day long she will say puppy and then smile or laugh.

You see, my sis and brother-in-law have a small dog who my neice loves and she has a large yellow stuffed animal which is also a puppy. So naturally, being surrounded by puppies, she says "PUPPY". It is just the cutest thing. so cute, that I have officially changed my name to aunt puppy so that i can say that she said my name first :).

In all the awe I am in watching her grow, learn, and develop, I can't help but think of how much she is influenced by her environment. It really makes me think about the way I act. She watches with eyes that catch everything you do and listens carefully with ears that hear everything you say. She seems so innocent and pure...though I believe deep down she has her mom's mischievous side, and her dad's competitiveness :). But I want to be a good example for her. And I strive to be that example, though I do stumble sometimes.

I wish we all could be good examples of faith and love and then innocent children can learn more about Christ, love, truth rather than hate, materialism, and power. I watch the news and see the violence and hatred that exists, but when I look into Grace's eyes, I see hope. Hope that by being surrounded by good examples, she can live a life of faith and love in a world that encourages it, not destroys it.

I want to be a good example.

Remember

Well, my wonderful sister reminded me that it is time for another entry. Today seemed like a good time to do just that. Thanks sis!

About an hour ago, I needed a break from working on proposals for a few minutes and decided to look at some pictures. Luckily, being so high tech and all, 90% of my pictures are digital and are all organized on a photo website. So I perused my different albums, looking at pictures of friends, of past events and of family. While doing this I remembered how I felt during those times, how friendships have grown or changed, and just how amazing it is that we can capture certain emotions and times in our lives in a picture.

Sometimes I can get caught up in looking forward so much that I forget about the past, the moments and people in life who have helped shape who I am today. Remembering those times and people is so very important. I find myself laughing out loud at those great candid photos or noticing the many characteristics of a person in the portrait photos.

It makes me wonder what I will think of or remember when, in the future, I look back on the photos during this stage of my life....joy, change, loss, reflection, happiness, growth, hope, faith, love.... I guess I will just have to wait and see....

Satisfied

Ever have those moments where you just think and feel..."I'm satisfied"? Some how satisfied has turned into a word that means so-so, just okay. But to me satisfied means filled, at peace, loved. And lately, I have had many satisfied moments, times where I look at my life and who I am and am satisfied.

Being satisfied is a great feeling, a feeling of knowing that you have more than you ever need and that you are blessed. I am so thankful for these moments. These moments encourage me to keep trusting and having Faith...to be thankful for every second, minute, hour, and day.

These moments remind me to be open to God and his plans so that I can be led...so that I can say to God, "It is all yours...It is all for you".

Busy Weeks and Snickerdoodles!

Do I even have time to write this? I have about 10 free minutes today so here I am. There is just something about busy weeks. They seem to come in groups. How does that work? I am currently trying to get my house ready or "up to code" for a good friend of mine to move in. At work, I am preparing for another grant cycle, in the middle of our Teens on Boards program, gearing up for the senior prom our youth pod is putting on, preparing to talk to three middle school girl power groups about community service, organizing a fatherhood summit, and working on our sustaining resource development plan. All that means late nights and meetings at the office. Did I mention that I have to plan the fun staff meeting for tomorrow? So after my 6:00pm meeting tonight I am off to make snickerdoodles for the staff meeting and prepare some games. But that is okay...because if it weren't for these busy weeks, I wouldn't enjoy my slow times nearly as much. I wouldn't appreciate the extra 15 minutes I can sleep in on some mornings. I wouldn't look forward to those days when I can go shopping, watch a good movie, paint, scrapbook, cook, etc.

So here is to busy weeks and snickerdoodles!

I Love...

Yesterday was Valentine's day and it was a great day! It is a day about love and love is definitely something to celebrate!

I love God
I love life
I love mom and dad
I love my sis
I love my brother-in-law
I love my neice
I love the rest of my family :)
I love my friends
I love my bible study group
I love my two cats..though they get in quite a bit of trouble together :)
I love summer, fall, spring, and winter
I love my job
I love my church family
I love my oh so soft pillow
I love the sunny days and the rain storms
I love coffee houses and good food
I love art, photography, music
I love good conversations and laughing for no good reason
I love facing a new day
I love God
I love...

He Provides

One of my amazing friends recently posted a message on her blog entitled "He Provides". What a truly uplifting statement! I know I am comforted everyday with the love He provides. I am blessed everyday with the love and support of family. I am humbled everyday with the amazing friends who touch my life. I am thankful everyday for the simple ways God blesses my life. Thank you God for your promise, your love, and the hope you provide the world.

God blesses us everyday! It is up to us to notice! When is the last time you noticed?

Service

Have you ever taken a service trip of some sort and then have it become a life changing experience for you as well? When you go with an open heart and mind and allow yourself to be vulnerable in order to really make an impact in someone's life or in a certain area, you too become moved or even humbled in the experience. That is what happened to me during my short visit to Zimbabwe. My interactions with the community allowed me to see and appreciate real gratitude, strong faith, and abundant love. I can't put into words the shift in perspective that took place, but I will be ever grateful to God for the experience, to the friends I made who have showed me real happiness, real love, and real satisfaction through their strong faith.

Forwards

I know we all get bombarded with e-mail forwards. A lot of them can be considered junk mail... but there are those that just some how reach me and touch me if just for a moment. In one that I received from a friend recently was the following scripture verse:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

What a peaceful message of hope that I just had to "forward" on.

The What If Game

Ever find yourself playing the what if game? About a week ago I was playing that game. What if I had done this? What if I had chosen this? What if I had said no? What if I had said yes? At first, I considered some of my choices..."bad" choices. But the more I thought about things, I began to realize all the stuff I would have missed out on if I hadn't chosen the path I am traveling. Maybe I had some missed opportunities along the way, but then again maybe I wasn't ready for those opportunities. Our paths aren't straight and I think we learn something and even gain something from each choice we make. I don't know...I just feel like the path I am traveling, the life I am living is preparing me for something wonderful. I can't explain in words, but it is a feeling that gives me hope everyday...and gives me the strength to appreciate my life...and all the choices I make as long as God remains at the center.

Human Contact and Interaction

Where do I even begin with this subject? I have been learning a lot on my journey of looking outside myself to help others. But yesterday was very moving for me and I just felt the need to express. So be prepared, because I have a lot to share.

First, in the morning I read a comment from an acquaintance who tossed out the idea that maybe all we need isn't God...that we were created to "live" together with other people. I thought that was an interesting concept...one that considered more thought. I thought about my desire to share and connect with others. I thought about only needing God in my life and being satisfied. Now, I might have misunderstood this individual's comment, but am thankful that it was said because it really made me think.

As I attended a beautiful funeral service for my friend who passed away, my heart was full of saddness and yet hope. As I remembered my friend and listened to the words spoken about this amazing individual, I was overcome with emotions. Another friend reached out and put her hand on my shoulder. How comforting that moment was. How much that human contact was appreciated. I remember hugging the wife of my friend, a woman who holds a special place in my heart, just hoping she could feel the love and prayers I had for her.

I had a friend who has been facing a lot and yesterday just broke down. She desired to be understood by someone close to her. She desired to be comforted. As she cried I reached my arm out and put my hand on her back. I knew that wouldn't solve the challenges she is facing, but just wanted her to know that I was there.

As a thought more about the concept of being created to "live" together with others, one of my photos came to mind. Here is a group of eighth grade students in the middle of a team building exercise. Remember that age? It can be such an awkward stage. I remember only associating with my group of friends. Yet on this day, these eighth grade students let their walls down and spent the day working with each other. They held hands. They carried each other. They enjoyed themselves as they interacted with each other. It was a wonderful moment...one where human contact was abundant.

Some would think that I am using these examples to say that I agree with the statement that God isn't all we need. But for me I don't agree. You see, as I thought more about how important that human contact and interaction was and how I personally desire to "live" together with others, I know that the one who will always remain is Christ. To me there is a difference between desires or wants and needs. Part of my faith is knowing that no matter how much I "desire" human contact and interaction all I "need" is God.

This leads me into another discussion I feel the need to express...that would be the importance of church. I have several individuals in my life who feel that church isn't important because they can worship God by themselves and on their own time. I definitely understand the importance of having an individual relationship with Christ. I think it is wonderful to worship Christ on your own. But there is also something important about worshiping Christ together with others. To me church is a place to gain more knowledge about God's word. It is a place where I can find support in my faith and life struggles. It is a place where I can interact and make human contact with other believers and give praise and thanks to the creator, the one who blesses me with the wonderful people I am in contact with each day.

Matthew 18:20 (New International Version)
For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.

Prayer

This week has been difficult, not just for me. Someone I considered a friend passed away suddenly. My heart breaks for his wife and his children. My heart breaks for the rest of his family. My heart breaks for his close friends and all who were lucky enough to know such a wonderful man. I wish there was something I could say to bring comfort and peace to them. I wish I could help in some way.

It is times like these where I begin to understand that maybe the best thing I can do is pray. I prayed that God would give them comfort, strength, peace, and love. I prayed that they were surrounded by His love and surrounded by all those around them. I prayed that they lean on each other and just continue to support and love each other now more than ever. I prayed that they remember the great life he lived and the wonderful memories he created. I prayed for them. Sometimes, that is all we can do.

Philippians 4:6 (New International Version)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Get Out of the Way!

I had an amazing conversation and just inspirational and uplifting time with a great friend this past weekend. I shared with her my concerns, my questions, my worries, and my feelings. She shared with me and it was wonderful. During this conversation she said something that really stuck with me.

"Get Out of the Way!"...No, we weren't talking about slow drivers. No, we weren't talking about someone blocking the television. We were talking about questioning God. We were talking about our impatience sometimes as we anticipate the future. We were talking about trying to hear what we want to hear from God, not what He has to say or wants us to hear.

God speaks to us if we truly listen to what He has to say and He guides us. We have to be completely open to Him and agenda-free. We have to get out of His way...out of the way of His plans for us...out of the way of His love for us.

So put as nicely as I can put it...I pray that we can truly "Get out of the way!"

Held

"Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible, and receives the impossible. "
Corrie ten Boom

Yesterday was a difficult day for me. My faith was weak. Yet, I turned to some very important people in my life who lifted me up. They encouraged me and gave me strength. I cried to God who held me. I turned to Him and he gave me hope.

I hear of people who question God or turn away from Him when they face tough times. They feel that He has let them down...that He has left them and they start to lose their faith. God never promised sunny days all the time. But He did promise to hold us during these difficult times.

I felt His presence in my heart yesterday as I cried. I felt His love as those close to me lifted me up. I was held.

Reaching Out

It is amazing the way God has been touching my life through this journey of reaching out to others. Last night I was re-energized and refreshed as I attended a Praise Team service. The church was full of people singing with our praise team. We sang song after song lifting our hearts and our minds to God. We sang for almost 2 hours. They were prayers set to music. It was wonderful. A couple individuals came up to me last night letting me know that if I ever needed to talk that they were there and that they were praying for me. It was comforting and nice to know that though I don't know these individuals too well, that they care about me and have me in their prayers.

This morning I turned to some close people in my life. I asked them for encouraging words of support and love....and faith. I know we all have those days where we just need to support and comfort from friends and family. In the past, I had been closed off from others...facing things on my own and just trying to stand strong. But now, as I reach out to others, my eyes are open to the many people reaching out to me. I am so comforted knowing that I can lean on them sometimes, and just allow them to be there for me.

Thank you God for holding me and for blessing me with wonderful people who are reaching out to me!

Changing Seasons

Well I made it to work this morning. Hooray! I know it isn't that bad outside. It is just windy with flurries which are starting to accumulate. Most people who know me know how tense I get driving in such winter conditions. After an accident last year, which could have been a lot worse, I find myself gripping the wheel and just trying to stay calm when I "feel" like my car is sliding. I drive at a slow pace as large SUV's and even small cars speed past my jeep. Yet even though I struggle driving in winter weather, I find myself really enjoying the snow and this time of year! My sister and I talk about how we could never live in a place that doesn't have a winter...doesn't have snow. It is the time of year where I realize the importance of slowing down...both while driving, but also in life. The year is almost over and what have I accomplished? How have I made a difference? It is the time of year when I think more of family and friends...and of just curling up on my couch with nice cup of coffee...flavored of course. It is just a comforting time full of memories and reflection.

Thank you God for the different seasons of the year and of our lives!

My Turn

Today was an important day. I had some visitors who have really supported and encouraged me and have taken such good care of me. Even when they visit they provide meals for me and bring with them stuff that they think I might need. Today it is my turn to provide for them. I planned, organized, and prepared a special dinner for my guests. I wanted to show the kindness to them that they have and will always show me.

It is definitely nice to be taken care of, but sometimes we need to be the ones to take care of others. We need to thank those who care for us and say to them, it is my turn to take care of you. What can I do for you?

Worthy

I know it has only been 6 days of looking outside myself and hopefully touching hearts but I came to another big realization today. As I spent a large part of the day helping an individual prepare for a major project, I begin to think of the word "worthy". I felt the feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious that he/she was feeling. I saw the concern that he/she had. I was surprised that I didn't once think about what I could be doing for myself or what I was missing out on...such as taking a nice Sunday nap or watching football.

It was because he/she was worthy of my time, my love, and my help. Seeing him/her calm was important to me. Seeing him/her prepared was important to me. Seeing him/her confident that he/she was ready for this project was important to me. Seeing him/her happy and being able to relax later on in the day was important to me. It was more important to me than my Sunday nap. It was more important to me than watching football. It was more important to me than cleaning my house, doing laundry, watching movies, reading, painting, spending time with my oh so adorable cats.

The point is that we all are worthy of being helped, of being reached out to, of being loved. When I think of the times that I turned away from helping someone or reaching out to someone in order to do something that I enjoyed, etc...I was in a way saying that they weren't worthy of my time, of my gifts, of my love. The same way when I used to put God in the background of my life. I was saying to Him that He was not worthy of my time and love.

Thank you God for helping me get my priorities straight!

Sharing

I spent this past Thursday and Friday at a conference in Indy connecting with other grantmakers and just being inspired about all that we each can do even if being a grantmaker isn't our career.

Many people believe that philanthropy is just the giving of money and it is only what the wealthy can do. But they are mistaken. They are also mistaken when they think that philanthropy has to be a large gesture.

I wondered how I could help someone each day at this conference...how I could help perfect strangers. It was easy to reach out to those I knew, but definitely a bit scary when I don't know someone. But I stepped out of my comfort zone, kept my eyes and heart open, and helped with what I could when I could. They were simple acts of kindness...such as helping someone carry something when it was apparent that they had tried to carry too much...lending someone my cell phone when I knew that she needed to reach her husband...talking to someone who looks a bit distant and is a bit uncomfortable joining into conversations...sharing materials with other conference attendees...saying thank you every time the hotel staff served me.

Philanthropy isn't just about giving money or spending money, but sharing with others what we are blessed with.

Thank you God for all you have blessed our lives with, please guide us and show us how we can share our gifts with others. Whether the gestures are large or small, let them come from the heart.

Encouragment and Support

Well it is day two of my challenge and right off the bat, God showed me exactly what I needed to do. There is a certain amazing individual who is facing a couple of different transitions in his/her life. There is a lot on this person's plate right now, and though he/she is facing them with faith and strength, I wanted to let this person know that he/she is not alone and that we all are "cheering" him/her on.

I think we all feel overwhelmed sometimes and question whether or not we can accomplish all that is before us. We feel like we have to do everything ourselves or we fail. It is a wonderful realization that we can lean on our faith and in many circumstances the support of our friends and family. Life isn't always easy, but we don't have to face things alone.

Thank you God for our network of support and encouragement. Thank you for your unconditional love and faith in us!